“Mindfulness in technicolor” – How I perceive BDSM

A few nights ago, I found myself watching Russell Howard’s Good News with my husband. On this episode, Russell attended a mindfulness class and meditated with a group of other people. Eventually, the instructor handed out chocolates and instructed the class to focus on the sight, sound, smell and eventually taste of the chocolate. Being completely present and immersive in each part of the experience.

So what has this got to do with BDSM, you ask?

For many people, BDSM is all about tying people up, rough sex, whips, chains, screaming and pain. For some people, that is how they enjoy it, but really, S&M play is only a fraction of it. Just like the chocolate, BDSM is a much, much more immersive experience. There is the sights, the sounds, the smells, the sensations. If you could experience a piece of chocolate by looking at the wrapper, then that’s about on par with believing that BDSM is just whips and chains. To really experience it,you need to divulge yourself in it.

So how, then, can we create a mindful experience in BDSM? How can we create something which immerses the senses and brings us to the present moment? For me, it begins at dinner. I prepare a chicken tikka massala with lemon and ginger cheesecake for dessert. I have lit candles, a clean home and spicy incense wafting around the bedroom. Do you see this? At the beginning of the evening, I’ve incorporated smell, sight and taste. 

After dinner, we relax for a while and talk. Soft piano music plays in the background and I light some more incense. That’s sound and smell.

When we eventually play, my husband binds me, blindfolds me exposes me to a variety of sensations. Scratchy here, tickly there. Hot here, cold there. The music intensifies and each breath has hints of a spicy-smokey, heady aroma. When he kisses me, I taste him. Him, his presence, his masculinity.

Though I cannot see, my four other senses are intensified. What matters not is my thoughts, and that, really, is the essence of mindfulness, the art of not thinking, but simply being. Present and in the moment.

Truth be told, I referred to BDSM as “mindfulness in technicolor”, because to me, that’s what it is. If we could be mindful by engaging our senses, one at a time, by eating a piece of chocolate, then BDSM would be mindfulness ten-fold. All of our senses and all at once.

BDSM might not be for everyone and I urge you to consider carefully how you want your experience to be. Mindfulness through BDSM absolutely can bring to the surface some deeply repressed feelings of anger, guilt, shame, isolation, anxiety and more. If it does, be sure to slow down or stop.

If, at any time, a BDSM scene becomes too intense for you, be sure to have an agreed safe word with your partner so that you can bring your BDSM scene play to a stop. 

Play safe and have fun!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Elena xx

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