Explaining BDSM Relationships: My field metaphor

One of the biggest misconceptions about BDSM relationships is that they are all the same. We all wear leather or latex and the Dominants walk their submissives on a leash, right? Wrong.

Imagine that you and your partner own a big, wide field, on that field there are two gates, one either side of the field. All you and your partner need to do is create a path that joins the gates, but you can decide exactly what that path will be, for example, it could:

  • Be short or long (the length of your relationship
  • Be very straight, or have lots of corners or curves (the flexibility)
  • Have sharp corners, or smooth, rounded corners (strict, or more allowing)
  • Have spiked railings or rose bush borders (more extreme, or more sensual)
  • Be made from concrete, tarmac or cobblestone, or even mud (whether you wear leather, latex or lace to play, or if you even play in the nude)

And so on..

If you own lots of fields with different partners (polyamory), each path may be different. That’s okay.

If you have a short, straight path with one person and a long, curvy path with the next, that’s totally fine.

All that matters is that you and your partner both agree what that path looks like, because in this community, we call that consent. If you and your partner can’t agree what that path looks like, do NOT agree to own a field with them!

My point is, each path will vary, and no two paths will be the same. I’ve had short paths and I have a long path now. I’ve had very straight paths (because I needed it at the time) and my current path is much more curvy, with lots and lots of rose bushes! Whatever you want your BDSM relationship to look like, talk, discuss, and make your dynamic work for you. Your path is your journey. You may decide from time to time that you don’t like a part of it and you want to redevelop it, go right ahead. Do whatever works for you, with your partner.

And if anyone else tells you that your path is wrong or that they disagree with how you’re redeveloping it, that your path looks different to what they’ve normally seen or what they think your path should be, tell them where to go.

After all, it’s not their field 😉

Stay safe & have fun,

Hugs & kinky cuddles

Elena xx

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