A Millenial’s Guide To The BDSM Scene

Many, many years ago, I was a young and enthusiastic 18 year old about to embark on her first visit to the BDSM scene. I was both nervous and excited, what was it like, and what would I see?

I want to say that it’s very YMMV. Some clubs are fairly friendly and not a lot goes on, some seem more like an all-out free-for-all, and for others they are something in between. The club I attended was more of the former.

When I arrived, the first thing that I saw wasn’t an abundance of latexwear, beating and sex, it was a couple of people in eveningwear, taking care of reception duties. It didn’t feel like I’d turned up to a BDSM club, more like I’d turned up to some sort of kinky hotel!

There was a 50p charge to hang your coat up and tickets were £10 each. There was also a £3 ticket if you just wanted to visit the market, but then you’d have to leave by 7pm, before the party. The market was almost like any other market,= with lots of vendors and tables selling all kinds of delights, except, rather than selling cakes and pastries, they were selling erotic media and bamboo canes instead.

I can never forget some of the things I saw at that market. They weren’t scary, they were, if anything, beautifully erotic. There were sterling silver earrings shaped like handcuffs, tiny tassle earrings made to resemble floggers. There were also bracelets and necklaces with a screw closure instead of clasps, that was when I was told that these were “day collars”.

The transition from day to night was almost seamless. The host walked around and announced that the market was closing, and that anyone with without a party ticket would need to buy one or they would need to leave. I had a party ticket clutched in my hand, so I continued to sip my drink.

As the party warmed up, an older man approached me. He had his grey hair pulled back in a ponytail and he started to chat to me. I found him somewhat arrogant and I think he preyed on me, knowing that I was new to the community. We talked a bit about the roles and he asked what I identified as. Not knowing what to say, I told him that I was a Switch.

“Which do you think I am?” he asked me.

Observing his leather chaps, I offered up “sub?”. He scoffed, picked up his drink and walked off. Maybe not, then?

As the evening progressed, the attire that people wore became a little more oriented to their fetish. People I’d seen during the day were now wearing corsets, collars and adult diapers. Men wore heels, wigs and make-up and others wore masquerade masks. I was told that it was okay to notice, but you mustn’t stare or judge. Remember, everyone has a fetish.

Once it was open, I dared to go and explore the dungeon. There were two dungeons, and really, neither was that different from the last. The DMs, or the Dungeon Masters, were very friendly and explained fully what was going on. One Dominant even offered me my first spanking, but feeling flustered and somewhat overwhelmed, I bottled it. There was a lot of furniture in the room that I didn’t understand and wasn’t sure how it was used, but as I observed in the public dungeon, I began to learn.

Some of the things you see in dungeons may shock or horrify you. I have seen people pierced with needless, I have seen people flogged until they bleed and I have seen men have easel clips ripped from their nutsack. You need to remember that all of these scenes, no matter how horrific they may seem, are consensual. They are what both parties want and agree to do.

A lot of clubs also have quite a few, very strict rules and it’s definitely worth checking out the rules and dress code before you even attend so that you know what to expect. Some clubs allow sex and swinging, some only allow touching and some (like the one I attended) allow no sexual contact at all. Also, if you don’t follow the dress code and turn up wearing sneakers or jeans, then you will probably be turned away before you even get in

There are some steadfast rules, for example, it’s fine to talk to other people, but you mustn’t touch them without their permission. If you’re told that you need to speak some someone’s Dominant before they will speak to you, respect it, as that is part of them and part of their relationship.

There are also some seemingly non-sensical rules as well, for example, that only a Dungeon Master can stop a BDSM scene if they feel it is unsafe. It is also rude to interrupt or participate in anyone else’s scene without their permission as doing so could ruin the headspace for them.

Some people will push boundaries. There are some people who regard Switches as submissives who simply don’t know their place and they will insist that anyone who is not experienced or a Dominant address them as Mistress or Sir. You don’t have to call anyone Mistress or Sir if you don’t want to, and if they are being this arrogant then it is quite fine to walk away. You should use someone’s chosen name to refer to them or to address them to speak to them but you don’t have to submit to their demands, (unless you want to, of course!). Unfortunately, not everyone in the community is a savoury character and you do need a tough skin.

Over the years, I have stopped attending the club that I used to frequent. I can assure you that it has nothing to do with the hosts or the people and everything to do with costs, choice and preference. A lot of our at-home sessions, admittedly, end in sex, and the hour-long commute on a Sunday after the club can really put a dampener on things. The music we prefer is choral rather than techno and we prefer a more sensual session than lots of flogging and caning. As the years have gone by we found that fitting in at these events required you to attend all of the others and so we chose no longer to attend. Although these clubs are a wonderful chance to socialise and network and may choose a great opening for your kinky well-being, they aren’t the be-all and end-all of your perverted self existing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

therebelliousangel

Musings on life and a 24/7 D/s relationship

Their carissimi's journey

My journey as a submissive

Penny Berry

BDSM & DDLG Lifestyle Articles From an Adult Little

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

%d bloggers like this: