The day is 19th June 2019. I woke up this morning and I just felt that I should quit. I have nothing new to offer, nothing particularly interesting to share. There are far, far better kink bloggers than me.
One of the hardest things about being a BDSM blogger is competing with those who know more than you do, who play more than you do. I am not like them, I am me, and I do kink in a way that, I think, is more suitable and compatible with most everyday lives. My blog is not aimed at being a BDSM how-to, it is aimed at sharing tips and tricks to help you, my viewers, from one everyday person to another everyday person, no expensive tools and toys required. Yet, when there are more knowledgeable people out there who take BDSM far more seriously than you do, it can become increasingly easy to feel like giving up.
Perhaps the key difference between quite a few fellow kinksters and my husband and I is that we are all about having FUN! I’m a brat because he wants me to be a brat, I get away with a lot because he doesn’t want to absolutely control and confine me. This is us, this is our relationship, this is how we work. My goal is not to teach you BDSM, my goal is to teach the common laysperson (someone who is just as everyday Joe or Jane as we are) all that I know. My goal is not to say “you must do this, you must not do that”, I advocate safety and I advocate having fun, the rest of it is all up to you.
So when you see 20-30 articles on the same things that you know you have written about, it can all feel disheartening. After all, who are you up to these people?
Well, frankly, a lot of these experts and professionals are paid. Sure, they know what they’re talking about, but a lot of them are big and in the business or well known on the scene, and I’m not. Like I said, I’m just a regular Jane, writing about what I love and hoping to inspire people to dip a toe into what we do.
As the inspiration well runs dry, it’s easy to think that you have bitten off more than you can chew. It’s easy to think that you should just… give up, so why did I continue to do what I do?
One of the most beautiful things I find is to kneel and meditate. It’s almost the same as subspace, except I use that time to channel into my inner self and find the answers. As I knelt on the floor and asked for guidance, it became all too clear to me.
“You write about what you love”
“You’re passionate about this”
“You like helping people”
It became clear to me then that, this isn’t something I write about because I get paid to write about it, I write about it because I freaking love BDSM – and I hope you do, too!
My submission is more than just about what I do, it is a part of who I am and I am proud of it. Submission taught me a lot about the person I am and who I aspire to be, but in a really healthy and holistic way. Rather than having it drummed into me from a text book during talk therapy, I am able to shine for myself, and have a partner who idolises me, for me.
I have a partner who revels in my playfulness, who idolises my honesty and adores my creative personality.
I have a partner who loves me for my selfless attitude, my quick wit and do-or-die mentality.
In my submission, I find peace, in my dynamic, I find love.
In being his, in having someone who took an old stone and found the way to look at it and make it shine, he found value in me.
The experts may be able to tell you the rules and they may be able to give you the tools to play with. But to be able to appreciate BDSM, you need to understand it from someone who hasn’t been paid to say it.
You need to hear it from someone who would shout from the rooftops “I’m kinky and proud of it!”, if doing so wasn’t likely to get her locked away.