Over the past five years, I couldn’t help but come to notice a fascinating trend. It seems to me that, in spite of the modern woman’s desire to be seen as confident, capable and assertive, there is an everlasting and ongoing desire for dominant men.
If you’ve paid attention to music showbiz in the past few weeks you will have undoubtedly heard of Shawn Mendes, the Canadian singer. While Shawn has many hits to his name, he recently teamed up with Camila Cabello to release the sizzling sensational hit Senorita, with it’s upbeat tune and exceptionally steamy video. Shortly after that, Shawn became a search engine hit with women craving to know more about him.
Shawn isn’t the first example, as Christian Grey became a worldwide desire when he first appeared on paper in the summer of 2011. Women all over the world sought out and read about the young, damaged 27-year-old sex-god-come-billionaire.. In fact, it was more Christian Grey’s controlling and dominant ways that got his fans excited, rather than his luxury cars and swanky homes in several cities.
So what gives? And why am I mentioning this?
I think it’s interesting to note that in this modern era, during the rise of feminist women, we call ourselves strong, capable and assertive and a stronger man still sends us weak at the knees. Many women feel that they have to choose between these desires, based on two damaging beliefs.
- A woman does not need a man to do anything for her, she can do it all herself.
- A woman who values herself should not desire to be submissive to a man. To do so is not feminist.
These views are extremely damaging.
Women need men, I’m sorry ladies, but it’s true. Even if not partners, we need them as friends. In a modern time when more women have male friends and vice versa, it seems that we need men for emotional rather than physical support. Not every woman has a plethora of technical or mechanical know-how to fix every problem, and not every woman knows a female mechanic who can help.
As for desires? Our biological nature tells us to seek a partner who can protect us and our offspring. We are biologically programmed that way, this is not something we can just switch off. Nice guys finish last because we don’t feel they can or will protect us. Again, that’s not our fault, that’s our biology at play.
Unfortunately, regardless of how far we have come as civilisation, regardless of what breakthroughs we make in science an technology. humans still have caveman brains. When we think about sex, we think about who is strong enough to protect us and our offspring. This is where men like Christian Grey and Shaun Mendes come in. The perception (even if not the reality) is that of a strong, confident, capable male, who knows what he wants, and takes what he wants, eventually. This is why Fifty Shades of Grey was a bestseller, because it appealed to our basic womanly instincts.
It’s fine to be a feminist woman and a submissive, really, it is. It’s also to be a strong, independent, feminist woman and desire a strong, independent male. I am and I do. It doesn’t make you regressive, it means you’ve made a choice, a choice for you.
And that, really, is what feminism is all about.