“I don’t understand it, why would you want to be strict all the time? All the rules and protocols? Do this, don’t do that..”
Ladies and gentlemen, this was my Sir, late Monday afternoon.
One of the most common misconceptions about being a Dominant is that you need to be strict, you need to be burly and you need to be in control. Well.. I’m sat on the floor in my pyjamas and fluffy slippers and he’s kicking back on the sofa, so yeah, definitely very burly and in control!
But what if there was an alternative to being big, bad, burly and in control?
What if, for example, you actually want your submissive to be a brat from time to time, what if you don’t want complete control?
What if that slim, funny guy could work out your needs and desires without you even realising? Perhaps that cute, curvy girl with er bubbly, confident personality suddenly gives you some orders that leave you completely mesmerized?
These “fun doms”, as I’ve come to coin them, aren’t such a rare breed. Far from some sort of mythical creature, they are merely a misunderstood group of perfectly “normal” Dominants who don’t fit into the Alpha male (or female) role. Simply put, far from the latex clad dominatrix or muscly alpha male we see in books and on the big screen, these men and women have a quiet confidence and an infectious laugh. They don’t feel the need to try and influence or control you, because they are comfortable being who they are. If they can influence you to follow their orders, great, if not, no harm done.
And that’s oddly captivating.
You don’t submit to them because you feel intimidated by them. You submit to them because you feel safe around them,you feel accepted by them and somehow that makes you want to submit to them. It starts off with a small thing, and before you know it, they’ve got you willing to walk over hot coals for them, with no idea as to how or when it all started.
I’ve dated three of these fun Doms, I married the fourth and I’ve never wanted anything or anyone else. Why? Because sometimes, the one with an infectious laugh can also be a sadist. They’ll laugh while criss-crossing a flogger over your exposed and reddened arse!
Fun Doms absolutely can have rules, and even as many as a strict Dominant. The main difference is, with fun Doms, the threshold for bratty behaviour is somewhat higher. For example:-
- I absolutely can spank my Dominant, lightly, in a mock spanking scene, but if I spank him hard (or God forbid with an implement), there are consequences.
- Tickling and lightly biting my Dominant is allowed, attempting to restrain him is not.
- We share jokes from Reddit, laugh at the TV together etc.
- “Butthead” is a petname for him, and he laughs when I use it.
- Perhaps the biggest one, he actually wants me to be a brat!
So you see? For some Dominants, this is unthinkable, but for us, it’s part of our fun, it’s part of what we do.
If you consider yourself a Dominant, know that it is absolutely fine to want giggles, silliness or a more relaxed, less structured dynamic. In my Domme days, one of my prerequisites was that my potential submissive partners be able to laugh at themselves and myself (within reason) when things go a bit wrong. Although you need a certain level of seriousness, we need to remember that there is absolutely no obligation in life for us to be into BDSM, and as such, we won’t want to do it if we don’t gain anything from it – and that absolutely can involve having lots of laughter and fun!
Dominants, what silliness would you allow in your dynamic?
Submissives, what’s the silliest thing you’ve gotten away with?
Let me know in the comments!