Ramble: Birthday Thoughts – Pt 2

Good evening all,

In the last few minutes on what has been a tough but somehow easy day, I’m here, writing for you and sharing my thoughts. It has been a cold, wet, gloomy September day, but even still, it’s been a reasonably good birthday.

Today was my first birthday without my late father. I was really concerned that it would be hard but, actually, it was surprisingly one of the easiest birthday celebrations that I have ever had. That sounds awful, I know, but Mum wasn’t worried about Dad being in pain, and I didn’t need to worry about furniture raisers and non-alcoholic drinks. Of course, I would much rather have him here, but I couldn’t help but feel a tiny sense of relief at how much easier our celebrations became.

Today, as I dusted, I saw a photo of my Dad.

“Oh, Dad”, I whispered, “if only you were still here.”

The tears threatened, and then they flowed. I don’t care how broken he was, how imperfect he was, he was still my Dad, and I still loved him.

I had two zip-up hoodies and a skater-style top from my husband, and £50 and a bottle of Moet champagne from my Mum. The little bag had two handles made from pink and purple beads and, quietly, I made a mental note to make some mother & daughter keyrings with them. They’re far too pretty just to throw away. Plus, they’re reusable, otherwise single-use plastic.

I was a little bit annoyed with my brother and some of the jokes he made. Having seen my mother try on her new spectacles, I said that being nerdy seemingly ran in the family. I am, after all, proudly a little bit nerdy myself.

“You aren’t a nerd, you have to be smart to be a nerd.” he quipped.

I looked at him, mindfully aware of my 4 new subscribers today.

I’m going places, I’m recognised for what I do and what I have to offer. I’ve become one of a team of housewives, writing and blogging about the benefits of BDSM, And you, Mr Mall Cop? What do you do?

It took every fibre of my being and the presence of our mother for me not to air my thoughts.

I can’t help but feel a little bit sad for him, in a way. Sure, he has a paid job, and he has a few fans for his stories on Facebook. But me? I’m reaching people all over the globe, I’m reaching out and sharing what I know and love and usually gaining a follower or two in return. I’m not looking for attention or validation. If I’ve given you pause and made you consider a new way of living your love life, then I’ve done part of what I wanted to do. If I’ve inspired you to explore our world, then I’ve achieved my goal. Whether or not you choose to follow me for other updates and articles is entirely up to you, it won’t have an impact on what I do. My blog won’t be for everyone, and it’s foolish to try and make it so.

So I suppose that leaves me at the final point for today, to thank my four(!) new subscribers who joined us here at Ten Shades & Me today. Thankyou! It’s hard to believe that the piece I wrote about dropping the writing challenges was coincidentally also the most popular post that I’ve ever posted, but then, that’s just one of the wonders that make up the digital, blogging world!

Stay well and have an awesome Tuesday!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Elena xx

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