Something I rarely talk about is my disabilities. Indeed, one of my disabilities puts me through large amounts of pain on a daily basis. Even as I write this, my wrist is arguing with me, demanding that I stop and give in. Of course, I’m tenacious, and if my body tells me that I can’t do something – well, that’s all the more reason to push it.
For a lot of people, the idea that someone with a chronic pain condition could actually want more pain seems contradictory. Why do you take painkillers if you just want more pain? Why not just have the pain you started with?
First of all, we need to focus on the two kinds of somatic pain – deep somatic pain and superficial somatic pain. Deep somatic pain is the kind of pain that involves broken bones and sprains and strains, whereas superficial somatic pain involves cuts, scrapes and bruises.
Secondly, we need to focus on consent. Consent in BDSM is so vitally important and our scene play cannot live without it, but what doesn’t care if you give your consent or not? Chronic pain.
Chronic pain doesn’t care if you only want one type of pain, only lightly, or only in one place. Chronic pain says you’re hurting where it wants to hurt you and as much as it wants to hurt you. Chronic pain doesn’t care if you’ve had enough, it will continue until it thinks you’ve had enough, it will carry on until you’re defeated, broken, sleepless and depressed.
Chronic pain doesn’t care if you call red, safewords don’t matter here.
Chronic pain is like the big bad “dom” that all the good kinksters warned you about. It doesn’t care about you, you are are there for it’s enjoyment, totally at its mercy, and you will pay.
I’ve lived with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome for the past 18 years. CRPS does not care about my limits, if it wants to make my knee hurt sharply, it will. If it wants to humiliate me by making my hand spasm suddenly, making me cover myself in hot tea in front of my family or friends, it’ll do that also.
With BDSM, it’s entirely different. I can choose where the pain is, I can choose (at least to some extent) what the pain is like or how hard it is. I have control, unlike I do with CRPS.
Going back to my earlier point about deep somatic pain and superficial somatic pain, CRPS pain is usually a deep somatic pain. It gets in your muscles and bones and it hurts. It’s intense, unbearable and unwavering. With spanking and flogging, for example, superficial, consensual and stops when I want it to stop.
When my pain is really, really bad, we don’t play. It’s one thing to enjoy pain, but if you’re suffering and miserable, more pain can be the last thing you want! It’s not about pain, regardless. It’s about pain only if I want it, when I want it, and only how I want it.
Playing when you suffer from a pain condition can also require considerations. For me, I suffer with allodynia which makes the skin on my affected limbs really sensitive to touch. A pair of fluffy handcuffs on my wtist can be excruciating. Because of that, my good Sir might immobilise my arms at the elbow, where I don’t experience nearly so much pain. He might also use mental bondage instead. Ways and means, my dears, ways and means.
Disabilities can absolutely be overcome. They don’t need to prevent your scene play, they just require a bit of thinking ahead.
Do you have a disability that impacts your BDSM play? Would you be willing to discuss it further on my blog? Leave me a comment down below or contact me.