In Defence Of Brats: A Guide

There is a general consensus in many BDSM communities that brats are bad news, but that’s not always the case. Indeed, while there are numerous examples of bad bratty behaviour, there are also as many submissives who display good or at least more desirable bratty behaviour, and they need to be respected and loved.

What is a brat?

A brat essentially is a playful, naughty submissive. He or she does not want control (no matter how much they say otherwise!) and ultimately wants you to demonstrate and show your ability to handle them. If a submissive is bratty to you, take heed, this is just their way of flirting!

Brats typically don’t mean any harm in what they do. There could also be a number of reasons or causes for bratty behaviour, too, and as a Dominant, you need to be willing to explore those further. Sometimes, I’m silly and playful for the sake of being silly and playful, other times, I’m silly and playful because I’m really feeling anxious and confused, or maybe I’m feeling ignored and forgotten. Of course, it takes time and knowing your brat to know when something is probably wrong.

What kind of Dominant would want a brat?

Any Dominant with a sense of humour! There is a strong misconception that Dominants need to be strict and in control at all times, but my favourite kind of Dominanr has a wicked sense of humour. They can mock you, taunt you, tease you and torture you, all at the same time. Those are absolutely my favourite kind of sadist. Bonus points if they’re a biter, too!

I think I might be a brat, how do I know if I am one?

Do you like to be playful in your submission? Do you like to be cheeky and torment your Dominant in a fun way? Congratulations! You passed the test. You’re probably a brat!

Good brats vs Bad brats

Ahh, the classic bone of contention. Penny Berry interviewed me about this not too long ago and it inspired this post to dwell on it further. I’ve also written about “good brats” before, which you can read more of here.

The difference between good brats and bad brats is really about intention. Good brats want to make you smile and warm your beart, whereas a bad brat’s intentions are really all about themselves. I’m going to go into some of the things a good brat and a bad bray might do in just a moment, but first, a little backstory.

When I started my journey into BDSM, I started off as a Domme. I wasn’t out to bully people, but I’m a natural leader and I wanted to continue that ability to lead and care for people, and to give them what they need and want. In that time, a young man approached me and he used to make me laugh a lot which made me really warm to owning him as my submissive. Unfortunately, things quickl started to turn awry.

Soon after agreeing to own him, he would call me names like “wench” to get me to punish him. He would pick and choose punishments, or do the punishments he hated poorly. If I told him what to wear, he would intentionally turn up with shirt buttons mismatched and his collar outside of his clothes because he knew that I’d be embarrassed. In the end, I got fed up with punishing him for completing his punishments poorly and he would do so much to get punished the way he wanted to be punished that I had to let him go. It was exhausting and depressing for me and I knew that I was being manipulated almost as soon as the problems began,

So let’s talk about some things a good brat vs a bad brat might do, and behaviours and warning signs to watch out for.

Good brats

  • Wants to make their Dominant partner smile
  • A friendly, playful disposition
  • A good sense of humour, witty – may use affectionate pet names (Fluffy for Dom etc)
  • Can be rambunctious, enjoys play-fighting
  • Flirts A LOT, particularly with their Dominant partner
  • Resists initially, but will do as they are told eventually
  • Prefers “funishment”, regards punishment as unnecessary (because we’re good!) – may have a strong emotional reaction to punishment
  • Pulls pranks, but in a cute, fun and limited way – Goofy pictures in your lunchbox, for example

Bad brats

  • Self-centred & manipulative
  • Wants to be punished, and will do anything to get punished
  • Rejects most punishments, apart from the ones they enjoy
  • May perform badly at a punishment to get you angry, thus leading you to result in humiliation & heavy impact play to punish them further (which is probably what they actually want)
  • May break or damage your belongings to get punished
  • May resort to unacceptable and offensive name-calling to get punished (calling Domme a fat lazy bitch is another example I experienced)
  • May perform unacceptable behaviours to get you to punish them – Cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush or filling your work shoes with cold baked beans, for example
  • Continues an unwanted behaviour, even when asked to stop – poking and prodding seems to be the most prominent example

If you find yourself engaging with or owning a bad brat, then it is fully understandable that you may want the behaviour to stop. Address the problem and, if it continues, consider ending your dynamic. BDSM is supposed to be fun!

Important Safety Stuff

An added note on bad brats, if your partner threatens to harm or damage any of the following to get you to play with or punish them, end they dynamic immediately and call the police if necessary:

  • You, your pets, your family or friends
  • Themselves
  • Your property
  • Your career

Now that we’ve discussed good brats vs bad brats, let’s discuss owning a brat, and a few punishment techniques that actually work.

If you find yourself owning a “good brat”, you probably know that sometimes, even good brats can push. They can become hyperactive and giggly and just need a little bit of calming down. Quite often with brats, they can be justa a little bit manipulative because they want to play. They aren’t inherently bad brats, but they certainly know how to toe the very fine line!

Don’t overreact

The first thing to do when dealing with bratty behaviour is get to the cause of the issue. If your brat is feeling ignored and forgotten, then punishing them is likely to make them lash out from a place of anger. Instead, allow them to be close or invite them to join in to the conversation more. If they’re looking for luvvin’, decide if you fancy some bedroom action, or not. Bratty behaviour does not always need to be punished.

Why a spanking doesn’t always work

If your brat is just acting up for the sake of it, then it’s important to understand that a sound spanking might not be your best option. For many brats, they will actually act up more if they know that play time is on the cards. If you want a punishment that works and quells the unwanted behaviour, then you need something that works. Here are a few options:-

  • The “Dom stare” – Sometimes, that really is all I need to send me scarpering. My good Sir has a stare that tells me in no uncertain terms that I’ve crossed the line. It’s intense, it’s dark and it leaves me squirming and uttering a heartfelt “sorry, Sir”.
  • Time out – Time out works because you are disengaging your brat from your time and company. You are teaching them that, for so long as they are acting like they are, you don’t want anything to do with them. At the cost of being ostracized from the sense of security that their Dominant offers them, most brats will buck up their ideas, and fast.
  • Give them something to do – One of the biggest causes of bratty behaviour is that they want your time and attention. They might feel ignored and unwanted, and so acting up a little is a great way to get noticed. Yes, it is manipulative, but most brats don’t mean any harm by it (as long as they act up within reason). Acknowledge them and accept that the bratty behaviour might be their way of seeking your attention, then give them something to do. Most brats will be all too happy to scarper off and follow their Dominant’s orders!

When it comes to owning a brat. The important thing to understand is that your brat needs room to wriggle and breathe. If you like to be strict and regimented, then a brat is quite possibly not the right choice for you. Stripped of their playful nature, a brat can become chronically depressed, and nobody wants a depressed, resentful submissive.

The other thing you need to understand about owning and punishing a brat is their emotions. Brats can be highly sensitive and usually mean no harm from their actions whatsoever. Let the punishment fit the crime and be sure to give plenty of aftercare afterwards, if necessary.

What are your thoughts on brats? Let me know in the comments.

Stay safe and have fun!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Elena xx

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