Hello my lovelies,
As we get a little bit further into my workshop, it’s time for us to start discussing the different relationship dynamics that you might see in the BDSM community, the differences between them. There are quite a few, but here are some of the more common ones that you are likely to come across.
M/s, or Master/Mistress & slave – Master/Mistress & slave relationships are usually regarded as the most intense of dynamics. The Master or Mistress is regarded as having complete ownership over the slave and may even force their slave to wear a locking collar or chastity device. It is important to understand that although these relationships can look intense and scary, they are happen entirely within the confines of consent. Contracts are also big in these dynamics, with the Master/Mistress considered as “owning” the slave as their property.
D/s, or Dom/sub – These relationships are the probably the most popular and made a big appearance on our cinema screens quite recently thanks ot Fifty Shades of Grey. D/s can be a lot more sensual, a lot more fun and tends not to (although it may) involve devices like chastity. In these dynamics, there is more of an emphasis on the will of the submissive to submit to their Dominant partner, rather than consider themselves as owned. The submissive has the freedom to leave, but chooses to stay and submit. These dynamics may only happen at certain times, or they may be considered as a format of a relationship, called “24/7 D/s”, where the submissive is under the rule of the Dominant 24/7. However, these relationships take a lot of work and shouldn’t be entered lightly.
Owner/pet – In these dynamics, the submissive/slave is considered as a pet (usually a puppy, pony or kitten, though foxes, pigs and even snails exist too!). Normally, the submissive acts like their chosen animal and is treated as is appropriate by their Dominant. The level of petplay and extent of outfits varies between dynamics, and anything from a pair of fluffy ears with a collar and leash to a full leather outfit is common. What you, or your pet is and looks like is entirely up to you!
Cg/l – I use Cg/l because it collectively encompasses all dynamics under this umbrella, including the most popular DD/lg, or Daddy Dom little girl dynamic. In Cg/l, You also have Daddy Dom/little boy (DD/lb), Mommy Domme/little boy (MD/lb) and Mommy Domme/little girl (MD/lg). In these dynamics, the “Mommy” or”Daddy” Dominant takes on an almost protective, paternal role of their “little”, guiding and nurturing them where necessary. These relationships may involve activities like colouring books and pacifiers, infantilism and diaper play. Dynamics can also include “Aunties”, “Uncles” and babysitters. Submissives in dynamics where the Daddy or Mommy has more than one submissive usually refer to other submissives as their “brothers” and “sisters”. These dynamics may be sexual or they may not be. They may also involve incest play.
If these dynamics interest you, be sure to visit my good friend Penny Berry, who has a tonne of information and resources for you!
Taken In Hand (TIH)- Taken In Hand relationships are usually a domestic discipline relationship in which the husband typically has the final say in all things. In most dynamics, the husband simply has the final say and may discipline his wife, for example, for not completing her chores. In some cases, the wife may have even agreed to give over some of her rights, for example, the right to vote, owing to the fact that she trusts in her husband to do what’s best for them. Again, it is important to understand that, although these relationships can look extreme, they are entirely consensual
The People you might meet in the BDSM community
In BDSM, you might meet people who identify under different labels. What’s the difference between a Dominant and a Sadist, and isn’t a Switch something you’d find on a light fixing? Let’s clear that up.
3 Different kinds of Dominant
Master/Mistress/Owner – Masters, Mistresses & Owners usually have quite a strong presence about them. They may wear leather or latex, but don’t he intimated. Most people don’t bite (unless you’re their submissive!) and these Dominants are no different. They may also have a submissive (or more) near by on a collar and leash. Again, don’t be intimdated, this is just how their relationship looks.
Dominants – Most Dominant men like to wear a suit, and Dominant women may wear an evening dress, or even a dress suit themselves. Dominants don’t usually have such a strong prescence and may be more approachable for the newcomer. They are usually very friendly and happy to lead and guide you… which is how you can end up completely captivated and serving them if you aren’t too careful!
“Daddy Doms” and caregivers are also considered Dominants.
Sadists – Sadists take pleasure in humiliation and pain. Of course, they aren’t bullies and only enjoy inflicting pain and suffering on people who enjoy it. Again, many sadists can seem approachable at first, and just because they have a flogger swinging from their belt loop doesn’t mean that they are going to unclip it and use it on you!
4 Different types of submissive
Slaves & pets – Slaves & pets typically consider themselves as owned by their Master, Mistress or Owner. They may wear a collar or bracelet that may or may not lock. Although perfectly pleasant people in day to day living, they may throw the newcomer off slightly. For example, it may be hard for a newcomer to understand why a slave cannot speak without asking their Mistress first, but most people understand with time. Pets may also wear cat ears, a leather puppy hood or a tail. They may also only communicate in barks, pants and meows. it is important to understand that this is their kink, and to treat them with respect.
Submissives – Submissives like to please their Dominant. They may wear a collar, but it may be more discreet than one for a slave. Although some submissives consider themselves as owned, most regard themselves as “belonging to”. This means to say that they are free to remove their collar at any time, but they choose not to as part of their submission to their Dominant. Submissives may be fiesty, and can certainly include brats!
Littles, Middles& AB/DL – I’ve separated these because although crucially still submissives in most cases, Littles, Middles and AB/DL have slightly different interests. In this category, activities like colouring, playing with toy trucks and watching cartoons are common. Some may wear diapers and some may engage in “Little Speak”. Again, it is important to respect everyone, no matter what their kink.
Masochists – Masochists, or sometimes known as “Pain Pigs” are submissives who enjoy humiliation and pain, be it for sexual pleasure or psychological release. Masochists may have several piercings and tattoos, quite often a marker of the pleasure they derive from pain.
Switches can get a bad rap in the BDSM community for being greedy, but there is really nothing wrong with them! A switch is someone who enjoys being both Dominant and submissive. They might enjoy it in the same session at different times, with the same person or with different people. Switches tend to be very easy going and approachable, though they may be a little reserved because of the judgement they usually face.
That’s it for this lesson! How do you think you identify? Let me know in the comments!
Hugs & kinky cuddles,