Good morning my lovelies,
Yesterday, we talked about some of the different dynamics and roles you might find in the BDSM community and I gave you some insights into what they might involve. Today, I want to talk about some of the more common titles used in BDSM, and why you might choose to use them. I’ll also give you a few pointers on finding a name and title that’s right for you at the end of this post, too.
Titles for a Dominant
You might use Master/Mistress if: Most popular with people who consider themselves as Masters and Mistresses, you might consider this title if you consider yourself to own your slave, or slaves. Also frequently used in Owner/pet dynamics.
You might use Sir/Madam if: Sir/Madam still implies a deep level of reverence for someone, but it takes out some of the sense of ownership found in Master/slave. Maybe you still like the idea of the power and control, but you consider yourself as less of an owner and more of a leader.
You might use Daddy/Mommy if: You love the idea of caring for, leading and nurturing your submissive. You can’t stand the idea of leading someone without doting and loving on them fiercely. For you, Daddy/Mummy makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and protective inside!
You might use Lady if: Lady could be considered as an alternative for “Madam”. Being a lady denotes being eloquent and elegant, and you (or your submissive) might regard you as worthy of such a title. Alternatively, you may feel that a “mistress” is a woman that a married man sleeps with behind his wife’s back, and you don’t want your potential slaves getting any wrong ideas..
You might use Doctor if: One for the medical fetishists! You really like the idea of conducting some “experiments” – whether or not they be governmentally approved! Not as popular as some of the other titles, but it does happen.
You might use Senpai if: Senpai has grown in popularity over the years with the rise of Japanese manga and anime. Although I hadn’t heard it mentioned until abou 5 years ago, “Senpai” roughly translates to “teacher” or “Master” in Japanese. if you consider yourself a leader but not a Master, it’s another for you to consider.
Titles for a submissive
You might use slave if: This is what your submissive is to you- a slave. There to do your chores, there to massage your feet and there to take care of anything else you deem necessary. You care about them, but only enough to maintain them as your property.
You might use Pet if: Pet can be used in two instances. First of all, in pet play as a more generic term than puppy or kitten (especially if your pet is, in fact, neither a puppy nor a kitten). It can also be used more affectionately as a title for a submissive that you like caring for.
You might use Babygirl/Babyboy/Little One if: Most popular in Cg/l dynamics, babygirl/babyboy denote a caring, nurturing side over your submissive. If CG/l is something you and your partner are interested in, then they may be names for you to consider. “Little One” is also a popular choice and is suited for all individuals, regardless of gender.
You might use Prince/Princess if: Some Littles and Middles in Cg/l relationships absolutely adore being referred to as a prince or princess. For them, it makes them feel special and small. Talk to your partner, but if it has them brimming with joy then it might be a good choice.
You might use puppy/kitten if: Kitten is a hugely popular name with many female submissives, myself included. If you’re interested in a Cg/l (or even just a more affectionate Dominant/submissive relationship), then it may be the one for you. That aside, if you’re into pet play, then these all-too-obvious names are a purr-fect match.
You might consider slut/fucktoy if: For humiliation purposes, you might consider slut or fucktoy as an alternative to slave. It is also particularly powerful if you and your partner have a sexual relationship as it denotes that they are there purely for your pleasure. Consider them carefully, of course. For some people, it could bring about non-consensual feelings of worthlessness, so discuss it first.
I don’t like any of these ideas, do I have to use them?
Of course not! These are suggestions, not instructions. You might also consider using:
- Your name
- An alias
- A pet name
- A name you made up, but really like (a friend of mine likes to be addressed as Supreme Overlord of the Universe, as an example)
- Something entirely different!
Remember, this is your relationship, and the names you use are up to you!
I switch, what name should I use?
What do you like to be called when you Dominate? What name do you like to use when you submit? You might just like to use one (like your name), but you also get the option of picking two – you lucky thing!
Do I have to use the same name all the time?
Not at all! My husband is “Wolfie” by day and “Sir” by nightfall. If you want something more relaxed for when you’re not engaging in kinky play, go for it!
In the wider BDSM community
If you attend events, you may prefer to use something other than your chosen title. For example, when I was a Domme, I was Lady Elena to my submissive. When I went to local events and engaged with the community, I was just Elena. If you like to use Sir or Master in play, understand that most people will not use such a title in conversation as it suggests that you have authority over them. For that reason, you may want to use your name, or an alias.
A Dominant wants me to call them by their title, what should I do?
I get it, I know it. You attend an event and a Dominant starts chatting to you, but then they tell you to call them Master. Woah! Back it up just a minute, we haven’t agreed anything yet! If this happens to you, understand that it’s perfectly fine to refuse. If they insist, you have every right to walk away. Nobody has power over anybody in BDSM. At least, not without their saying so first!
What names do you like to use in BDSM? Let me know in the comments!
Stay safe and have fun!
Hugs & kinky cuddles,