I write this piece with the approval of my good Sir and after a recent night of weakness for him. You see, this post is not about lambasting him for the way he is, but rather, the importance of accepting him the way he is.
In pop culture, Alphas (male and female) are portrayed as being strong, both physically and mentally. They are our superheroes, our antagonists, our on-stage allies and everything in between. They have superpowers, awesome weapons, cutting quips and amazing moves.
When it comes to BDSM, Dominants are usually portrayed as being strong, robust and capable. They are strict, stern and unwavered by all that life throws at them. The kingpin and centrepiece of the operation, they are the anchor in the storm. When our world falls apart, we can depend on them to keep us strong, but Dominants need loving, too.
Often in this world, we talk about a submissive’s needs. While submissive’s have needs, so too do Dominants.
Believe it or not and for all of the amazing things they can do, Dominants are also human beings, with human being needs.
As Wolfie sat next to me looking all forlorn, I knew that something was wrong. It wouldn’t have been right for me to call him Sir and ask what kinky things he wanted to do to me, or with me, In that moment, he needed a human being, with a human touch.
I myself have not always been submissive. Many moons ago, I too was Dominant, and I too had bad days. One of the most trying things about being Dominant is that not all submissives understand you don’t always want to play, and you aren’t always in Domspace. Sometimes, a needy submissive can even add more stress to your already bad day.
As much as submissives may hate to accept it, even Alphas need chance to switch off and unwind. They need chance to go from taking care of to taken care of, which is why it’s important to recognise the signs of stress, anxiety and depression in your Alpha.
In my opinion, part of a good and healthy BDSM relationship involves being tentative to the things that are going on in your partner’s life. If a Dominant received a job rejection for example (as has happened recently to Wolfie), then it is understandable that they may not have the confidence to play. If they receive a diagnosis of a new health condition, then it may take time for the Dominant partner to adjust and feel desirable again. Check in regularly, and find ways to better your relationship.
To me, being submissive is more than serving my husband, and being tentative to his needs is more than just pleasuring him in bed or fetching him a drink. Sometimes he needs me just to be me, to hold him, cradle him and speak to him gently.
As submissives, it’s easy to lose sight of our Dominant’s humanity, but we must remember that they are humans, too. It’s easy to overbear them with our problems and expect them to resolve them as their own, but then who is taking care of them?
It does not take a lot of effort to ask our Dominant partner’s what they want or need. It does not need to be in service, but as one caring person to another. Whether it be a cup of tea or a warm fluffy blanket, to run errands or let them be for a week. Everyone has days when they feel incredibly strong or incredibly weak, and your Dominant knowing that you will be there for them may even see them bounce back, stronger than ever before.
Be sure to check in regularly with your Alpha and their mental health and listen carefully to what they say and what they need. Be prepared to do things for them that you may not have regarded as part of your submission before. You may need them, but you never know when they may need you.
Stay well, folks
Hugs & kinky cuddles,