A Cause For Celebration (Or Not?)

Good afternoon lovelies,

It is with great delight that I can announce Ten Shades & Me hit the 100+ subscriber mark last night, which is amazing, you’re all amazing. Thankyou so, so so much for all of your support!

As a blogger, I strive to give you all that I can give. I do my utmost to make sure that every thing runs smoothly (hence you’ll notice the revised top menu!) and all of my blog posts are friendly, informative and helpful. I try to share insights and experiences which I hope will help and humour you you and to encourage you along the way.

Delighted with my follower count to date, I spoke with my mother this morning and informed her of this important blogging milestone.

“Mm. None of them are paying yet, though?”

“No, but it’s not all about the money, anyway” I sighed.

“Oh well, I just don’t think you should sell your soul online.”

What the-

As it stands, I run two blogs and both of them are aimed at helping you, my readers and followers. I am not in this for the money, I am in this because I care about you. All of the help and insights and advice that I give on my blogs is free. If you want to send a donation via my ‘donate’ link so that I can keep my blogs going, then that’s entirely up to you. I’m not going to hound you to pay for something I firmly believe should be readily available for you for free. If you want to support me and help me keep this blog running, then you are, in my humble eyes, just extra, super amazing.

I do not consider blogging as “selling my soul”. I’m talking to people, helping people and engaging with people. I’m careful as to how much I do and do not share of my private life because not everything private needs to be online. The very reason I separated my blogs out was so that there wasn’t too much information on one site!

But to have my hard work denoted to something that’s worth entirely depends on the sums of money it brings in was incredibly painful, and did strike quite deeply into my self-esteem. After all, I’m not getting paid, so maybe I am just a shit, wannabe blogger?

Our minds can be awful things..

I’m getting to the point that my relationship with my mother and brother is nothing short of toxic. I love them, they’re my family, but I can never forget or forgive some of the things that have been said to me. From my mother telling me that she would have had me aborted to telling me that I have no sense of humour and that I may struggle to find love, such cutting comments have done wonderful things for my self-esteem. It’s taken years of hard work and therapy to rebuild my confidence and find my worth on the world stage, so someone, anyone, cutting into that is not something that I take lightly. Sadly, since the passing of my father, it has become very much them and me and my fragile, sensitive little heart can’t take it. I may have to make some painful choices in order to do what’s best for me.

As I leaned against the door frame, my voice cracking and the tears threatening from the pain that I was feeling inside, I slumped against Wolfie’s chest.

“I just want my Mum to be proud of me” I wept.

“I am, I’m proud of you. So, so proud” Wolfie said softly.

Fuck.

Right there and then, nothing else mattered. I realised at that point my mother’s approval isn’t what really matters. What matters is the approval of the 100+, my readers, my followers, the people who visit my blog and are encouraged by what I do. There is a world outside of my family home, and it’s a world where I can still make a difference.

Don’t forget, if you want to visit my vanilla blog for mental health support, product/pub reviews, opinion articles and recipes, you can find that here.

Stay well all – and thankyou so much for your continued support!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Elena xx

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