Ah, don’t you just love a catchy title? To think our media makes money out of such awful, awful clickbait.
Well see dear readers, today I have something a little different for you. A sort of confession, but also sort of an insight on the difference between a Dominant and Service Top, or what I believe, know and understand to be the difference, anyway.
When I first stepped onto the BDSM scene, I was a Domme, or rather, a ‘Domme’. I enjoyed beating, punishing and humiliating young men. I enjoyed making them feel small, weak and worthless because often, they also loved it, too. But here was the catch 22;
I was doing it for them, and I did it for them for two whole years, until I formally entered my relationship.
All the while I was punishing, humiliating and torturing, I had a sort of ambivalent feeling in me. I cared about them, but I didn’t really care about what I was doing, I was doing it for them and because I wanted to please them. I enjoyed somethings more than others. For example, I enjoyed humiliation and spanking play, but I had no desire to collar or own a submissive.
I was a service Top.
For me, what I did was very in the moment. I had a few submissive men who loved me, and loved what I did and could do, but I couldn’t do it all of the time and anyone who tried to get me to do so I quickly found boring. I had no interest or desire in owning anyone (possibly because I myself wanted to submit!), I cared more about them as my friends. Friends who came to me for a sort of kinky therapy and who I loved if they tried to switch it up on me!
Of my understanding, a Dominant does what they do in part because they enjoy it. It may be sexual, it may be psychological, it may be emotional or even spiritual. In one way or another, they do it because they enjoy or benefit from what they do. A service Top does it because they want to please other people. I believe this is true for me.
Any time that I have been a Top in any situation, whether it’s bondage, a spanking or a Mommy roleplay, the care of my Bottom is key. My focus is 100% on what they want, get and need from the experience, as my friend and someone that I care about. I have no desire to own anyone in a BDSM relationship because it would do nothing for me.
Maybe some of you might consider that I really was a Domme, I don’t know. Maybe labels and such are just something we need to scratch and be who we are. Whatever I am and whatever I have been or I get up to, I know that staying true to myself and caring for the people around me (however that may be!) is at the core of everything that I do.
What do you think the difference is between a Service Top and a Dominant? Let me know in the comments!