“Votes are here, love” I said, handing Wolfie his postal vote, little over three weeks ago. We vote by post for convenience reasons. Him because he uses public transport to get to and from work which takes up more of that polling booth opening time, and me because those dreaded places seriously exacerbate my lifelong Generalizd Anxiety Disorder.
At home, I am free to read the manifestos, take the ISideWith test and make my selection, without anyone outside the polling station making one last plea to encourage me to support their party. In that moment, I’m not even thinking about my submission. In that moment, I am a modern woman with the freedom and right to vote and a very important decision to make: One that would impact the future of my country.
For me, the decision this year was more local than it was national. I placed a cross next to my local Labour MP, tucked the form into the return envelope and sealed it. Even if I didn’t like Jeremy Corbyn, Labour had always been good to me, locally.
“Who’d you vote for?” Wolfie asked me as I tapped the sealed envelopes into a pile.
“Brexit Party, you?” I said, trying my best to seem genuine.
“Ah, UKIP” he replied, playing me at my own game.
Of course, neither of us would support the Brexit Party ot UKIP and are even vehemently against the idea. We’ve both long been supporters of the Labour party, even if we do question some of their policies.
My decision to vote for the Labour party is entirely my own choice and we have a golden rule that we do not discuss politics until we’ve both cast our vote. In doing so, it prevents any influence over our decision and maintains my freedom to vote as a modern day feminist, without fear or judgement.
In this modern era, a lot of people wrinkle their nose at the word “feminist”, but I keep to what the ideals of what a true feminist woman should be. Women are not better than men, they are equals, and I have even taken steps to protect men in the past, as a modern day woman.
The year was 2016, my neighbour had just been assaulted by his ex-girfriend and now stood dishevelled and sore on my doorstep. He was timid and anxious, a farcry from the normally confident young man that I was used to seeing.
When we attended the court for her hearing, I wore a suit with trousers, heeled boots and my hair in a bun. It was my go to “I mean serious business” look, and anyone around me knew that I meant serious business, too. It was in the way I conducted myself and shook hands with the other witnesses and staff; polite, but certainly assertive.
So why would a modern feminist want to become submissive?
The Control Paradox
The first thing you need to understand is that for myself and thousands of women like me, surrendering control is really subjective and incomplete. It only happens when we allow it to, and it only happens with who we want it to happen with. We are not owned or controlled in reality and are completely free to leave if we want to and at any time. Although we consider ourselves as ‘owned’, this goes back to Gorean erotic literature and is in mindset only – nobody literally owns anyone!
Secondly, being a modern woman means we absolutely do have control, a lot of the time and in a lot of things. We are CEOs, line managers, doctors, judges, even right down to parents and grandparents. Being in control all the time means that one wants to switch off and surrender control eventually.
In BDSM, there is an interesting suggestion that we explore the “shadow self, the part of us which hides and repressed the unmentionable, forbidden parts of ourselves, discovered by none other than Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. For those of us in office jobs, truck drivers, pilots, first responders, civil servants and first time mothers and fathers who feel controlled by someone else, the desire for a sense of control is apparent (how many Dominants are nodding and agreeing with me here? 😉 ). For powerful, assertive women who are in control for much of the time, we eventually want to switch off control and hand it to someone else.
I’m not a housewife, I’m a domestic CEO. Housewives run the home according to their husand’s wishes, but my husband gets very little say unless it matters. I’ve never given him reason to not trust my judgement, so he trust me, but that fills me with an awful lot of control and responsibility.
I would hate to be micro-managed in the day to day runnings of our home, I would hate to have every decision made for me and not to be able to use my own judgement or critical thinking. I’d probably get so fed up and bored by the end of the week that I would get up and leave!.
Paradoxically though, I love some of the most deepest, darkest corners of BDSM. I love begging, I love bathroom control. I love eye contact restrictions and dehumanisation. I love bondage, sensory deprivation and humiliation. The more I lose temporary control in a safe environment and with the people I love, know and trust, the freer and happier I become. My submission to my husband is only when I choose it to be and how I choose it to be. Whether it’s asking for his input or initiating a scene, I choose to offer him control in that moment.
A Matter Of Mindset
Any Dominant worth his (or her!) salt will know that one of the first steps to owning a submissive feminist woman is to have an utmost respect for women. If you mistreat (or worse, abuse) women, we will close you down immediately. Start slow, start gently, and allow us to see that we can trust you.
Think of a submissive woman as being a bit like a porcupine. If you befriend it, it will trust you and allow you to get closer. If you threaten it, it won’t. If you respect a feminist submissive, they may allow you get close enough to follow your lead. If you come at us with a “kneel, bitch” attitude, you’re going to experience quite a few barbs.
It’s important to understand that a feminist woman may be a submissive at her core, but not all feminist women want or choose to be submissive and most certainly we have no desire to return to a life whereby our husband’s have full and absolute control. Even for those who do desire to return to such a lifestyle, they did so because they chose to, entirely of their own accord.
I hope you have enjoyed these series as much as Penny and I have enjoyed writing them for you. On Thursday, we will be talking about our names, and how they were chosen for us.
Stay tuned for more!