What Dominant Men Can Learn From Ant Middleton

10 minutes to get you hooked 🙂

If you’ve ever seen SAS: Who Dares Wins, you’ll be familiar with the bearded Adonis that is Ant Middleton. For many a woman who is familiar with him, Ant is the one to watch out for.

In the series, a handful of wannabe SAS recruits from all walks of life are put through their paces in a variety of gruelling tasks. These challenges are set out to test the recruits in terms of team skills, leadership capabilities, physical endurance and much more. The Directing Staff (the DS’s) do all they can, within reason, to get the recruits to crack under pressure, including subjecting them to interrogation conditions (under medical supervision) which are not approved by the British Military. Typically, those who voluntarily withdraw (called a ‘VW’ in the programme) have a better understanding of themselves at least, and those who complete course are at least awarded a pat on the back and a firm handshake from Ant Middleton. The show doesn’t appear to be about any sort of prize or prize money, so much as the chance to better understand oneself by subjecting oneself to the most extreme conditions.

Which, as an occasionally gobby little shitbag who likes to discover what she is capable of, rather appeals to my psyche.

I have no doubt that some of this series is layered on for effect, but for the most part, and from what I’ve read, the challenges, thoughts and drama that occors throughout the series is all very, very real, and that’s very, very appealing.

One of the highlights of the show is none other than one of the men of the hour himself, Ant Middleton. It’s easy to swoon over a man for his physical form, but Ant offers more in terms of psychology. To me, Ant is the epitome of the ideal Dom, and from some other women that I’ve spoken to, they quite agree also. Here’s a look at 5 of the qualities that Ant possesses:

Humility & Empathy

Ant has been there and done that. He knows that he and the other Directing Staff have been broken before, and he knows how it feels to feel broken. When the recruits are at their lowest, Ant isn’t too afraid to get down there with them and remind them how far they’ve come. Ant knows what it means to be that person, that person who looks at the peak of the mountain and says “I can’t do it”, that person who looks down at the raging sea and says “there’s now way I’m jumping in that”. Ant knows, he’s been there and he’s done it. He also knows that nobody is invincible, and even he isn’t immortal from enemy gunfire. Even if he can be a bit of a bastard sometimes, Ant leads from a place of understanding, and that’s what makes him so likeable.

A sense of humour

Ant is one cheeky chappy! He may be strict and serious when he needs to be, but with his own (and when he’s not in the recruits’ faces), Ant likes to laugh. A good sense of humour is remarkably attractive in a man!


Sometimes Ant needs to get tough, but he gets tough from a place of heart. Ant knows the difference between leading and being aggressive, and he doesn’t do aggression. Ant doesn’t get physical with the recruits, he doesn’t need to. He tells the recruits what to do, and it’s all up to them whether or not they listen. Ant also reminds the recruits what happens if they quit, He reminds them of the fears that they have set out to overcome. He doesn’t force them, but he reminds them. Even if his tactics seem harsh, Ant wants to see them succeed, which brings me to my next point..


When the recruits are absolutely pushed to the limit and broken, Ant isn’t afraid to get down there and remind them how far they’ve come. He isn’t afraid to show them his softer side and let the camera see that Ant really has a heart. This, perhaps, is what makes Ant so likeable and so damned attractive. He’s not a bully, he just really cares and wants them to succeed!

Pride In Appearance

Last on the list, is Ant’s pride in his appearance. He isn’t trying to make himself up with cosmetics and tanning booths, but he very clearly takes the time to take care of himself each day. People who take the time to take care of themselves garner immediate respect from everyone else. If you look like you respect yourself, so too will anyone else.

FInal Thoughts

Something that I’ve encountered time and time again in the BDSM scene is the number of young Dominants, particularly Dominant men, who feel that there is a way they need to act or look to be considered Dominant. Since the release of Fifty Shades of Grey in particular, many men seem to believe that being a tall, muscular man is all that women crave and anything else won’t do.

This is false.

Anyone has the ability to be a great Dominant, whether you have no muscle or a few extra pounds, whether you talk with a lisp or you wear wide-rimmed glasses. Just because you don’t have a six pack, please don’t ever doubt your abilities as a Dominant. Ant may be in great physical form, but there are far more qualities to him, psychologically, that hold great appeal.

Dominance is not a ticklist criteria, there is no description that you need to match to be considered for the role. Being a Dominant is about who you are as a person. It is about your ability to lead others to be all that you want them to be, all that you believe they can be and all that they want to be. It is about making decisions that benefit your submissive for the betterment of the relationship and leading them in a way that they consent to and, hopefully, enjoy.

I have met Dominants who couldn’t walk, who were more Dominant than the twenty-something I saw one evening, pacing around at an event and doling out rather unwelcome advice. Never, ever believe that you aren’t good enough to be a Dominant because of a media stereotype.

Take pride in yourself, be a decent human, keep working on your techniques and you will do just fine, exactly as you are.

Keep smiling, folks!

Hugs & kinky cuddles,

Elena xx

PS. So what if I’m topping from the bottom? If I have to break my role to stop many a man from beating himself up, I’ll gladly face the consequences 🙂

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